What Everybody Needs
We all need confidence. It doesn't matter what area of life you're thinking about. Want to be a better student? You need confidence that you're capable of learning and developing skills. Want to improve in your job? You need confidence to perform at your best and demonstrate value to your company. Want a better relationship or marriage? Confidence can turn you into an appealing person. Every facet of life draws strength from confidence.
Most of us average people lack the very thing we need. Instead of confidence we're afraid, nervous, unsure of ourselves. A lot of people are great at faking confidence. Sometimes, people cover up by talking loudly, adopting a superior attitude, forcing themselves and their ideas on others, or even by dishonest behavior.
Make no mistake. You must believe in yourself. Beware of the most sinister, destructive enemy we face. Years ago, there was a comic strip in many U.S. newspapers. A little swamp creature named Pogo, entertained young and old alike. Occasionally, Pogo served as a cultural philosopher. On one occasion, Pogo said, "We have seen the enemy, and he is us!" You couldn't say it any better. We are our own worst enemy.
Most of us average people lack the very thing we need. Instead of confidence we're afraid, nervous, unsure of ourselves. A lot of people are great at faking confidence. Sometimes, people cover up by talking loudly, adopting a superior attitude, forcing themselves and their ideas on others, or even by dishonest behavior.
Make no mistake. You must believe in yourself. Beware of the most sinister, destructive enemy we face. Years ago, there was a comic strip in many U.S. newspapers. A little swamp creature named Pogo, entertained young and old alike. Occasionally, Pogo served as a cultural philosopher. On one occasion, Pogo said, "We have seen the enemy, and he is us!" You couldn't say it any better. We are our own worst enemy.
There's A Voice In Your Head
You need to know about the voice in your head. No, you're not crazy. Everybody's got this inner person that talks all the time. You might think of it as mere thoughts running through your mind. For most, it's just like an inside conversation. A one-sided conversation. That voice talks constantly. It's frightfully opinionated. It's demanding, insistent, and always speaks authoritatively. So we listen.
That's quite often a huge mistake. Your conscience operates through this voice. But so does every doubt, insecurity, fear, and failure. That little voice is your worst critic and your most controlling friend.
Ever think to yourself, "I'm just not very smart?" Maybe it wasn't in those exact words, but it's likely you've questioned your own intelligence. Your mind files away failures and bad decisions, and when you need to draw on your own intellectual abilities, that little voice replays all the evidence that you're not nearly as smart as you should be.
Ever look in a mirror and hear that voice say, "You're not very good looking." That voice then gets very specific. You're too fat, too thin, your nose is too big or too small, your eyes look funny, your hair is straggly, you've got chipmunk cheeks, your lips are too thin, too thick. You've heard that voice.
That voice will tell you to do things you shouldn't do, and then give you a mental smack for doing it. It will discourage you from pursuing good and healthy things. It seems we're wired with an inner person who is determined to cause us grief.
That's quite often a huge mistake. Your conscience operates through this voice. But so does every doubt, insecurity, fear, and failure. That little voice is your worst critic and your most controlling friend.
Ever think to yourself, "I'm just not very smart?" Maybe it wasn't in those exact words, but it's likely you've questioned your own intelligence. Your mind files away failures and bad decisions, and when you need to draw on your own intellectual abilities, that little voice replays all the evidence that you're not nearly as smart as you should be.
Ever look in a mirror and hear that voice say, "You're not very good looking." That voice then gets very specific. You're too fat, too thin, your nose is too big or too small, your eyes look funny, your hair is straggly, you've got chipmunk cheeks, your lips are too thin, too thick. You've heard that voice.
That voice will tell you to do things you shouldn't do, and then give you a mental smack for doing it. It will discourage you from pursuing good and healthy things. It seems we're wired with an inner person who is determined to cause us grief.
What To Do?
Truth is better than lies. Begin by recognizing the value of that statement. You're going to need the ability to recognize truth and apply it to yourself.
When I was in high school, an English teacher did something for me that changed my life. We were assigned the task of memorizing some poetry, and then we were to recite our poems to the class. I chose my poem, memorized it, but was terrified to recite it. With trembling knees I managed to get through the exercise, and then my teacher said something made one of the greatest differences in my life. She said, "My! What a voice you have. I could listen to you all day."
Until that moment, there was no reason for me to have paid any attention to my voice. I was an average teenager who, only a short time before, went through that voice-changing time of life. But my teacher opened up a truth to me. I was blessed with a pleasant voice, with a fair amount of range, and able to express emotion. Now, many years later, my voice has enabled me to become a public speaker, a radio program host, to do voice commercials for radio, and much more. There are many people with better voices than mine. But the truth is that my voice is a good one, and without my teacher letting me in on a truth about myself, it's doubtful I would have discovered it on my own.
I tell you that story because it illustrates something we all need. We all benefit from having others who can help us see the truth about ourselves. We need a friend, a teacher, a mentor, someone willing to be a positive, helpful influence on us. We need somebody outside ourselves to listen to. Spend all your tiime listening to yourself, and you'll probably miss something good.
You can do some of this for yourself, if you're good with the truth. Again, hear the emphasis on truth. I'm not promoting the idea that you should lie to yourself. I once knew a young man who brought a guitar to a party. He had decided that he would regale us with some entertaining songs. The only problem was that he couldn't play the guitar very well, and his singing was worse. He had fed himself a lie. Just telling yourself you can do something doesn't mean it's truthfully something you can do. Instead, identify the things you can do. Everybody can do something, and do it fairly well. It's not about doing things better than others. Not everyone can be a rock star. There will always be exceptionally talented people. Just identify what you can do, and choose to believe in yourself.
Willingly admit things you can't do. For example, I learned long ago that I'm not very good at working on automobiles. I have little interest, few skills, and no real desire. If you're car breaks, I'll drive you to the repair shop, but I won't work on your car. But there are plenty of other things I can do, and do well. Confidence comes from recognizing what those things are, and focusing on the truth.
When I was in high school, an English teacher did something for me that changed my life. We were assigned the task of memorizing some poetry, and then we were to recite our poems to the class. I chose my poem, memorized it, but was terrified to recite it. With trembling knees I managed to get through the exercise, and then my teacher said something made one of the greatest differences in my life. She said, "My! What a voice you have. I could listen to you all day."
Until that moment, there was no reason for me to have paid any attention to my voice. I was an average teenager who, only a short time before, went through that voice-changing time of life. But my teacher opened up a truth to me. I was blessed with a pleasant voice, with a fair amount of range, and able to express emotion. Now, many years later, my voice has enabled me to become a public speaker, a radio program host, to do voice commercials for radio, and much more. There are many people with better voices than mine. But the truth is that my voice is a good one, and without my teacher letting me in on a truth about myself, it's doubtful I would have discovered it on my own.
I tell you that story because it illustrates something we all need. We all benefit from having others who can help us see the truth about ourselves. We need a friend, a teacher, a mentor, someone willing to be a positive, helpful influence on us. We need somebody outside ourselves to listen to. Spend all your tiime listening to yourself, and you'll probably miss something good.
You can do some of this for yourself, if you're good with the truth. Again, hear the emphasis on truth. I'm not promoting the idea that you should lie to yourself. I once knew a young man who brought a guitar to a party. He had decided that he would regale us with some entertaining songs. The only problem was that he couldn't play the guitar very well, and his singing was worse. He had fed himself a lie. Just telling yourself you can do something doesn't mean it's truthfully something you can do. Instead, identify the things you can do. Everybody can do something, and do it fairly well. It's not about doing things better than others. Not everyone can be a rock star. There will always be exceptionally talented people. Just identify what you can do, and choose to believe in yourself.
Willingly admit things you can't do. For example, I learned long ago that I'm not very good at working on automobiles. I have little interest, few skills, and no real desire. If you're car breaks, I'll drive you to the repair shop, but I won't work on your car. But there are plenty of other things I can do, and do well. Confidence comes from recognizing what those things are, and focusing on the truth.
Last Word
A sense of humor and the ability to laugh at yourself is a powerful quality. Fear of failure can drain your confidence. But if you're able to laugh at your own foibles, you can displace your fear with humor.
Above all else, be very wary of that little voice in your head. It can be so discouraging, and if you'll notice that word, it's so very not "courage." Confidence comes when you have the courage to live boldly, learn boldly, and boldly give your best.
Find someone who can be your encourager. That's a person who will fill you with courage to grow into something you've never been. Listen to them. Tell that other little voice to sit down and be quiet until he's got something better to say.
Above all else, be very wary of that little voice in your head. It can be so discouraging, and if you'll notice that word, it's so very not "courage." Confidence comes when you have the courage to live boldly, learn boldly, and boldly give your best.
Find someone who can be your encourager. That's a person who will fill you with courage to grow into something you've never been. Listen to them. Tell that other little voice to sit down and be quiet until he's got something better to say.
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